My personal journey has given me the opportunity to view and experience rejection in a whole new different level. I no longer see rejection as something negative. Rather, I see it as a way to improve, understand and collaborate.
To understand rejection better, I conducted a very simple experiment on Twitter and found something interesting. For the past 10 hours, I searched and collected every tweet with the word ‘rejection’ in it, and analyzed the content through a simple word counter. I found that other than ‘rejection’, the most common words in those tweets are ‘want’, followed closely by ‘fear’. My hypothesis is that rejection comes from us wanting something. However, because we want it bad, we fear getting rejected.
Using my personal example, I want to be a successful entrepreneur, so much that I quit my job to pursue this dream. However, because of that strong desire, I feared to be rejected with an investment opportunity that would dramatically increase the likelihood of success.
Luckily, instead of retreating to a safe environment, I shared with the world about my fear (of rejection) and desire (to conquer rejection and achieve success), and then put myself in public to work on my issues through rejection therapy. Professional wise, this has been the best decision I’ve ever made.
Now, for those of you who would like to share with me, I want to know what you want the most, and what’s your biggest fear. Maybe by declaring what we want/fear, we can all work to overcome our fear and get closer to what we want.
What I want the most : to trade forex successfully online.
What I fear : losing money and losing control of my emotions when a trade turn bad.
For the want, do you want the money or the fact that you have successfully pulled off a trade? Those are two different things.
For the fear, what are you doing to actively dealing with the fear?
My most desired: to be reunited with my friend
My fear: to speak more openly about my desire, because I know I’ll be mocked or told to “quit dreaming/fantasising”
I envy you, Jiao. I wish I could find a way to overcome my fears. But I’m also happy for you. Keep moving forward.
For your want: that’s a strong and awesome want. What’s stopping you? Where is your friend?
For your fear: why would people mock you for wanting to reunited with your friend?
It’s complicated. But reading about your journey is helpful. And entertaining.
Want: To take my family on a vaction to Walt Disney World in Florida.
Fear: Not being able to do it
Problem: In a nut shell $$$. I have always wanted to take my family on a vaction but money seems hard to save, I have 8 children and things seem to come along and drain what I manage to save.
Consequence: I have found it hard to maintain hope of accomplishing this, to the point that I fear pinning the dream back onto the fridge because I don’t want to disapoint my family. So I have been failing to move forward in persuing the dream. I used to write hotels for quotes and vacation packages but now I feel consumed by trying to accomplish the daily nescesities of life like getting firewood, butchering or caring for animals, fixing the bathroom, or other home items, etc… I would not trade my family life for all the riches of the world and I also know I am responsible for everything in my life, my success or lack of it. Just where I’m at.
That’s a tough situation you are in – providing for your family and wanting to take your 8 children to Disney world. Where do you live, may I ask?
How about if you find the number that is required for your Disney vacation, and set a goal to save for that number with your whole family each month. In that way, you aren’t burdened with this desire/fear all by yourself. I found trying to achieve a goal as a group is so much more fun and comforting than trying to do it alone.
The South West coast of Canada, Setting the goal with the family is a good idea, also I like the idea of setting more moderate short or smaller monthly goals to help everyone stay focused. Its difficult trying to keep a clean house when only one person is doing it, but if everyone understands they have a vested interest it does make a huge difference. I have also forgotten to have fun in the process, isn’t that why we do the great things we do with family and friends? Thanks for your perspective, I have to say just even speaking it out with someone is relieving, its funny how isolated we allow ourselves to get when we are really all going through the same darn things. Keep up your good work and again thanks for doing this.
Want : Being able to tell a girl I love her
Fear : Being rejected by her
Problem : Like many other guys, this has been a problem all my life. I have had many relationship where I was not capable of being honest – I am still not capable of being honest and share my feelings and needs with a girl for fear of being rejected.
RE, I hear you. Do you have a particular girl you love, or just ‘a’ girl?
Just you know, I found that rejection is nothing but an opinion, and opinion is cheap and free… Everyone has an opinion. Don’t live in other’s opinions.
Want: A new job that I enjoy going to every day; I was laid off a few months back
Fear: Getting stuck in a new job that is just like my old job
I wasn’t happy at my job the last few years and though getting laid off would actually be a good thing. But as I go through the process of looking for a new job, I have this fear that all jobs will be like my old job and I will just be back in the same spot.
Andy, thanks for sharing! Are you actively looking? What are you passionate about? What are you good at? If you can have only one job for the rest of your life, what would it be?